I never really had a bucket list. I was thinking about how people end up doing some out there crazy things (like running ultra marathons) and wondered how they decided to do it. I probably have a list in my mind someplace...go skydiving: tick. Go to Disneyland: tick. Finish diploma. Tick. Go back to India...write another book, get paid to coach...run 100 miles. How did that creep in there?
Waking up one day and deciding to run 100 miles probably isn't something many people do. 5km is enough. For me, as much as I loved it, 100 miles just wasn't for me.
I had to dig deep a few times this week with why I am doing Tarawera 100 Miler, which seems silly having only just signed up. I realised this week how much of my life currently revolved around running, nutrition, rest, recovery, run some more, then there is this big inconvenience called life. Dear husband says "you signed up for it, it was your choice". I was okay after that...it was my choice, and I thought and prayed about it long and hard before clicking that submit button.
I never really understood people who tell me they want to do something, like run 5km, a half marathon, then never a marathon because that's too far...but then they never do any of it. I feel bad sometimes for not understanding, but when I say that I want to do something, my strengths all kick into gear and I somehow come out with a really big why, how, when - a full on plan. The reason I feel bad is because I fully acknowledge that not everyone thinks this way. However, usually after their statement about how they will only ever run X distance, they say "I'm not really a runner". My question 'Do you run?' - Yes, they say. "Then you're a runner".
People often compare my race numbers on the wall to their shortcomings. They say "I could never do that" and they'd be right...with those words and attitude, you can't.
I don't think many of us realise how much our words affect us. The things we say out loud that sound good for the moment, or make us look a little more humble, the words that we wish weren't true, but deep down, believe they're fact. If we say we can't do something, chances are, that when the going gets tough, we will quickly find a reason to pull out or give up and quit. We never really believed we could in the first place.
I am so passionate about the language that we use about ourselves. The words that we speak have a direct impact on what happens in our life. A few years ago, I finally realised this, and started to speak some positive truths into my life - I am unbreakable, I am an athlete, I am a runner, I am capable, I am strong...they might not all have been accurate descriptions of who I thought I was, but this was one of those times when I wanted to fake it till I made it...I needed to start believing in myself because when you're in the middle of the bush on your own - no one else is there to believe in you.
Sometimes we have to dig a bit deeper to find the right words to speak over our lives. I believe that when you start to make small changes like this, you can go a further than you've gone before. I've trained myself to believe I am an athlete.